The Last Resolution

I never normally make New Years resolutions, not now anyway. I used to make them, then would never stick to them and it would be a pointless exercise. I'd also be disappointed and there would probably be some self-beating for a bit too.

Now every New Year I make a promise to myself instead, two things. To be better and to be happy.

By being 'better', I don't mean in terms of competition. I don't want to beat anybody else (although it's nice to get recognition amongst your peers), I mean to get better as a person. To be polite, to be kinder, to not be selfish, to become more well-rounded, if you like. I try not to regret nowadays as it's easy to become lost in the past and forget about the future, but I'm a big believer in improvement. Everybody is constantly changing, whether it's personality, beliefs, the way we look. Events happen throughout your life that change the way you perceive things, meeting people and sharing new experiences all changes you. So long as those changes are for the better, I'm happy.

And that leads nicely on to my next aim: happiness. Happiness is always a tricky thing, it means different things to different people and sometimes you spend so much time looking for it you didn't realise you had it in the first place. Sometimes you think you are happy, when really you're just stalling the inevitable unhappiness that is just around the corner. These last few months for me have probably been some of the unhappiest times I have ever had, so striving for happiness in 2014 is even more important for me. My problem is working out what makes me happy and compromising so that I can be happy. For example, being a Care Assistant is not my dream job. There's nothing wrong with it, I enjoy it, but I don't see myself doing it forever. However, the 12 hour shifts enable me to volunteer at the primary school and run the choir, two things I absolutely love doing and would hate to give up at the moment. I only go to work 10 times in a month as I work long days, but not very often, so it leaves more days free for the theatre and for meeting with friends. 

I am always my happiest when surrounded by people, normally a small group, the friends and family I love. Over the course of 2013 I realised I was spending time with people that actually made me miserable. Letting them go was hard to do, but ultimately it'll make me happier. 

So no, no New Years resolutions for me, just a continuing improvement and a continuing discovery of what it's like to grow up and face the real world.

It's A Kind Of Magic...

What would you do if you had magic powers? It's one of those questions, like, 'if you had three wishes, what would they be'. Everyone has an answer.
I must admit my answers are quite boring I think, in the grand scheme of things. If I had the ability to do magic I would use it to make the life that I have easier, it would be magic for convenience. The ability to iron my clothes, and change the colour of them, make them fit better. I would have the ability to teleport. In fact, this is the one I would probably use the most. If I could teleport to work I could have a lie in. I'd be able to go and visit friends and family in Sussex in the blink of an eye without having to spend countless hours on public transport and waiting on cold platforms. I could pop down in the morning and then pop back in time for volunteering. I could use it to visit the entire world but return to the comfort of my own bed and the cleanliness of my own bathroom. And all for free!
I would love to have the ability to travel through time as well as space, go back to relive amazing moments within my life, spend time with those that have gone. Or travel back in history to witness momentous events.
I would use my magical powers to make the world a more beautiful place, make flowers grow or clean dirt off the streets. But I wouldn't use it to alter life or death events. I'm not God or Cupid, it's not my job or responsibility.
I would use my magic powers to make the house a little tidier. Picture the Weasley household, spoons stirring pots, dishes washing themselves. I expect I would use it to gain a little money, because, let's face it, who couldn't do with a bit of extra cash. But I would also help my friends and family anyway I could, magically change the wallpaper, provide an endless supply of Dominoes.
I think at school it would become the most useful. For the children who struggle to read it would be incredible if the books sprung to life in front of their eyes. Can you imagine the look on their faces if The Gruffalo walked through the door? And at choir if I could magic up a stage, microphones and costumes with a swish of my hand?
I think over all, the magic I have would be magic of convenience.

This post was inspired by... http://dailypost.wordpress.com/category/daily-prompts/

New Year, New Me?

The ultimate question. If you could be a completely different person tomorrow, who would you be? You can be absolutely anyone, alive, dead, fictional... But once it's done, it's a done deal, you are that person forever. Or you can stay as you.
2013 has been a very strange year for me. I have had some absolutely incredible experiences, taken part in some brilliant events, met new people, tried new things. But some of the worst things have taken place this year. I've lost people I loved, some by choice, others left me and I've had a crisis of confidence in more ways than one.
I have discovered several things about myself this year, my morals and the way I view the world is shifting. I believe I have become more understanding of other peoples' beliefs and my mind is opening to new experiences. I always wished to be more spontaneous and to face my fears and I have definitely accomplished some of these things.
So next year, I am going to continue to be me. I am going to be more confident (which I believe I have already started to do), I am going to dress the way I want, do what I want to do, not follow the crowd. I am going to try new things (I had my first driving lesson today in ages), speak my mind, make myself heard and make a difference. During 2013, at my lowest point I often wondered if I would be missed if I were no longer here. But then one of my residents told me how much I mean to them, how much I made a difference to their life. Mrs Livingstone, the teacher of Pine Class told me how much the children love to see me and how many request to come and read with me. When I was unwell, my choir kids surrounded me with love and hugs despite me protesting due to being contagious. My Nan constantly tells me how stunning I am, even when she can't see me and I look tired and scruffy. Several friends have told me they wish they had my confidence and wish they were as strong as I am. I must be doing something right but how come I can't see it?
So yes, next year I will continue to be the new me. The new me with tattoos and piercings, the new me who challenges what I don't agree with. I am looking forward to more performances at The Attfield and the fantastic summer production with The OD Project. I miss my kids at school (both readers and choir) and it's only been two weeks! I look forward to (hopefully) a holiday with a friend, good times with those I love and fond memories of those who are now gone. This year I have discovered life is too short to waste time on people that don't care. I should spend more time with those who do. I can only continue to grow as a person (hopefully not in height) and I am looking to the future with excitement of all the things yet to happen, not worrying about all the uncertainty. Yes, life is about a journey, but it's also about those who come on the journey with you, not those who want to delay the train.

This post was inspired by...http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2013/12/31/prompt-new-you/

The Accidental Idea

Today's prompt was 'brainwaves'. I'm supposed to tell you all about the best idea I've ever had, how it worked out and why it was so amazing. The problem was, I couldn't think of one. I've had some great ideas over the years, either in class, with my friends or moments of genius where it felt like someone had possessed me briefly. But none were 'Eureka!' moments, none really solved a problem (some even caused more problems), and some ideas haven't even began, let alone finished.
So I chose to tell you about my accidental idea. During Christmas 2012 I helped Weston Rhyn Primary School with their nativity play. I love putting on a play and I love working with the class as whole (not just the three boys I see) so I had a great time. As the nativity play drew to a close Mr Hines (the brilliant Head Teacher) thanked me for being involved and giving up my time for free. I then uttered a sentence that would change the next year (and more) or my life. 'Does the school have a choir?' A brief image flashed in my mind of a Glee-like scenario, costumes, performances, big smiles on kids faces. Mr Hines replied with: 'You're welcome to run it if you like!' I felt my cheeks flush, mumbled that I'd think about it and went on home, eighties rock songs playing through my mind, top hats, air guitar! Maybe I could do this! Maybe I could run a school choir! There were several issues. I couldn't read music (at least, not to the standard normally required), I was very shy when it came to performing, I had no teaching experience whatsoever and I saw one child at a time, not 10, or more, as I hoped there might be. But my imagination was taking over, I could see song and dance numbers and young minds I could influence with my love of The Eagles, Disco and 80s Electro-Pop. So I went back to Mr Hines, and said yes.
The first year of choir was not necessarily a success, not in the performing sense. At one point I had a group of 18, all with different opinions, all fighting to be heard. More than that, they didn't want to know any of my suggestions and were only interested in singing Taylor Swift (who I admire for writing her own songs and having the ability to play an instrument, but still) and Adele, an incredible singer but very hard to sing as an ensemble. I tried several options of songs, 'Price Tag' by Jessie J, which sounded great until the solos came up and 'We're Not Going To Take It/We Built This City' by Twisted Sister/Starship which was brilliant in the end, but took a LOT of persuading.
But I persisted. By the Summer of 2013 I was very proud of my group and sad to see the majority of them leave, but knew that in the Autumn I would get a new group of children and a fresh start. This time there were less children, only 8, all girls. I struggled controlling 18 children, so this was much nicer and I already knew 6 of them well, knew their tastes, what they would like to sing. We were invited by St John's Church in Weston Rhyn to sing at their Carol Service. It was a great opportunity for the children to perform in front of an audience, but it was pressured. We only had four weeks to get our songs and performance ready. It wasn't Glee standard, but I was very happy with how it all turned out. We had plenty of positive feedback from the church goers and parents and one particular girl conquered her fear. I am immensely proud of her!
Now that Christmas is over we are moving on to Musicals, and I can't wait to get stuck back in. I can't wait to hear what the kids have been learning over Christmas (I have set them homework on various music legends) and I can't wait to start our new song 'Do-Rae-Mi' from The Sound of Music. Not only are the kids growing and learning every day they are becoming part of a team, working hard to achieve a collective goal and coming out of their shells. It's also helping me become more confident at performing, even if it is just in front of 8 children.
So for an accidental idea, I think it's going really, rather well!

This post was inspired by... http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2013/12/30/daily-prompt-brainwave/

Pirate School (The Three Aaaarghs!)

Last time I was in The Salvation Army Shop in town I somehow managed to get into a debate with the person behind the counter and an elderly lady behind me.
The man behind the counter wanted to teach in Primary School, but with his speciality being History, he was struggling. The elderly woman was firmly convinced that subjects like History shouldn't be taught in Primary School when children were behind on their reading, writing and arithmetic (the 3 Rs).
I volunteer with the charity Beanstalk, which encourages and develops children's reading skills. I do it because of my passion for books and remembering what it's like to be lost in my own imagination, in incredible worlds with exciting characters on wondrous adventures. I see first-hand the children that are struggling with their reading and writing. They're often struggling with every aspect of education as well as socially and crave the one-on-one attention that I give them. I see three out of a class of thirty, I could see many more and children often request to come and read with me. It's brilliant that they want to read with me, but I also wonder how many of the children would actually benefit from the time I spend with them.
As well as reading with each child twice a week I am involved in the class, with the teachers. If there is a school trip, or a nativity play I am asked to assist and do so willingly. It makes a pleasant change for me and the children. The most recent trip was to the Grosvenor Museum in Chester. They've been learning about Romans for the past few months, everything from Roman Baths to Gladiators. The Grosvenor Museum put on a brilliant itinerary. The children learnt about archaeology, heating systems, armour, food (and cooking processes), including a marching exercise with a real-life Roman Soldier (not really, but he had a rather lovely pair of legs!). Most of it was hands on, practical, combining learning with fun. The following day they wrote a report on the museum, what they saw, what they enjoyed. They spent the day learning and THEN they wrote about it.
This was my argument in The Salvation Army Shop. Yes, children are behind, some drastically so, but in order to get better at writing, reading and arithmetic, they need things to write about, to read about and to work out. Practising the same sentence over and over again is boring, and definitely not inspiring, writing a story about a Roman Soldier is exciting, it's an adventure! Before they know it, they're learning without really knowing it.
If I was to redesign school, from the ground up I would include more or less what is included now, Art, History, Geography, all those subjects that inspire. Children can be inspired by all kinds of things. I would promote the arts, anything creative as I believe the imagination is one of the most powerful tools each of us has. Dance, Drama and Music would also feature heavily as I believe all of these subjects are overlooked in Primary School. Drama promotes confidence which a lot of children lack. One of the children that I read with loves Drama and I write mini-plays for us to act out during our sessions. He's reading without even realising it and he often wants to write his own after, which develops his writing skills. In fact, the only subject I would remove from Primary Schools is a foreign language. Although I believe learning French or German is important in learning new skills and developing an understanding of culture, I think the English Language should be mastered first. Foreign Language should be left for Secondary School.
The only other thing that should be included in school is manners. I run my local school choir, something I enjoy which is a lot of fun, the youngest child in 6, the oldest 11. Last year, I discovered that despite all their musical ability the one thing they lacked more than anything was respect for each other and their opinions. Manners are something I would have thought parents would have taught their children but it was definitely an issue and I wasn't the only one to discover this. I take pride in my patience but the only time I lost my temper was on this subject. Maybe manners and good behaviour should be taught in schools too.

This post was inspired by... http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2013/12/29/prompt-new-school/

Book Review: Darkly Dreaming Dexter (Dexter #1) by Jeff Lindsay

Darkly Dreaming Dexter by Jeff Lindsay
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

I had watched the Dexter TV series before I read any of the books, so I went in with a preconceived notion of the characters, and I already knew the ending. It didn't stop me from enjoying Jeff Lindsay's writing.
For those unfamiliar, Dexter Dreaming Darkly follows the murderous blood splatter analyst as he dishes out his own punishment to those that have slipped through the cracks. Seeing the world through Dexter's eyes is brilliant. If Dexter was a real person he would certainly have some kind of psychological or behavioural condition but thankfully the author doesn't play on this, he is just Dexter and everything he does seems unfathomably reasonable.
All of the characters were interesting and unique. I particularly liked his foul-mouthed sister Deb. I also think it should be mentioned that the people who cast the TV show did a great job, especially with Dexter's colleague Vince and his boss LaGuerta.
I also liked the way Lindsay described Miami, almost like it was a character. He brought the city alive in full vivid technicolour!
Overall a brilliant twist on the murder mystery that zipped along nicely. I can't wait to read the next one!

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Book Review: James and the Giant Peach by Roald Dahl

James and the Giant Peach by Roald Dahl
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

At Weston Rhyn Primary School Roald Dahl is the current display in the library. Every time I go in there for volunteering a smile appears on my face and I try my best to persuade the children to let me read them a little bit of any of his books. But alas, I did not succeed, so I decided to read one myself and James and the Giant Peach was the one I picked.
I remember the film with fondness and as soon as I entered Dahl's incredible world the childlike feeling of glee rushed back to me.
The way James and his insect friends are described are vivid and each character is interesting and unique. I particularly liked the Centipede and his 42 pairs of boots. The book is also educational, informing children about the different characteristics of insects, while making them funny. I also enjoyed the different songs.
As a twenty-one year old, revisiting Roald Dahl was a joy and I aim to read more, hopefully to inspire the children next time.

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